Joshua Harris gives our generation a clear challenge to reject our typical isolationist and many times selfish spirituality and replace it with a more mature community spirituality. Stop Dating the Church is a call to love the Bride even though she is far from perfect.
Young men of my generation tend to still be boys, dodging commitment in order to have some juvenile fun. Many of us take this same attitude toward the Church, Jesus’ Bride. Harris says that God “wants you in a relationship defined by both passion and commitment” (pg12). He notes that church daters can be identified by their me-centeredness, their independence, and their critical spirit. These church daters need to match their passion for God with a love for His Bride. Harris says, “The church is the vehicle the Jesus chose to take the message of the gospel to every generation and people” (gp20). This means that the Church is the center of the missio dei. He also says, “The church community is where we learn to love God and others” (pg21). This means that the Church is to be the center of your entire spirituality, not just a tradition that you do because you parents want you to attend.
Chapter 2 makes a case for us to love what Jesus loves by viewing the Church from God’s perspective. When we read Ephesians 5 it is helpful to ask ourselves if we love the Bride like Jesus does, sacrificially. Harris makes an interesting observation by the question, “Is it possible that God didn’t get His inspiration for loving the Church from marriage, but that one reason God created marriage was to illustrate His love for the Church?” (pg30). Harris also unpacks the pictures of body and temple in this chapter.
In his third chapter he makes a case for “need.” We need the Church because it gives the lost world a “visible, tangible, real-world expression of the body of Christ” (pg45) and this body gives us credibility in sharing the gospel. As we share the gospel we can point to evidence of its power to create not only new life but also a new society (pg47). He also gives a very helpful statement, “sanctification is a community project” (pg50). Finally, he gives a great challenge to all of us to “Stop complaining about what’s wrong with the church, and become part of a solution” (pg61).
Harris’ fourth chapter provides some helpful tips on how to “join the club” (pg63) of the Church. He calls us all to action by telling us to join a church, make that church a priority in your life, be a good team player, serve, give, connect with others, share your passion for your church to unbelievers and those who don’t attend your church. Oh what a joy to see people live that wonderful life.
I found Chapter 5 very helpful as Harris gives practical things to consider when choosing your church. The most important thing on the list is a commitment to faithfully teaching God’s Word. Does a church give lip service to the Bible or actually faithfully live by it and teach it. Expository preaching is one of the best marks of a healthy church. Personally, I have arrived at a place where I could never again be part of church that was not committed to expository preaching. We all need the Word like food and water. He next notes the importance of sound doctrine, embracing and proclaiming the gospel, reaching out to unbelievers, the humility and integrity of the leaders, obedience to God’s Word, authentic community, opportunities to serve, church discipline being practiced, and the ability to join this church in its current form with enthusiasm.
Chapter 6 is an interesting as well as practical chapter calling us to take advantage of the role Sunday should play in our spirituality. Harris essentially challenges us to prepare our hearts for Sunday instead of just going through the motions of another event.
The final chapter begins by noting that Peter was the disciple who “just didn’t do commitment well” (pg122). When Jesus rises and returns and speaks to Peter, He asks Peter if he loves him. Peter says, “yes” and then Jesus challenges him three times to “feed my sheep.” If you love Jesus, you will “care deeply about the flock of God” (pg123).
This little book (small and a short 129 pages) is an excellent call to love what Jesus loves, His Bride. My little journey began as apathetic towards the Bride (even though I was raised going to church), then a period of discontent and bitterness toward the Bride for her failings, now I am trying to fall deeper in love with the Bride. God please wake me up each day loving your Bride more and more.
We started a new YaP Small Group this week and Andy asked us all the simple question, “why are you here?” We all went around sharing and it was amazing to hear all that God and done in our lives. It was also awesome to hear how open and authentic everyone was. One of our new young ladies told me how awesome it was that everyone was so open and real. That night was a simple yet beautiful little moment in the life of Jesus Bride meeting as Bethel Church. Bethel Church certainly is not perfect but with the aid of the Holy Spirit we are become more and more lovely each day.
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